3rd July 2020
I awoke with a sensation in my heart and chest that felt so happy. In the dream I had been having, the truth that lay beneath the behaviour and persona of the President was evident: the wonderful soul of the President of the United States, Donald Trump, was clear. What is more: in my waking what he has been doing and saying was virtually invisible and not the focus. I saw his was a wonderful soul on a life journey that was challenging. In my heart I felt only joy at this awareness and I was at one with him. Feeling no conflict with this person was entirely new.
For the years of this President’s ascendancy and presence in my life, his actions have been a focus of derision, fear, loathing and scheming. I have moved between fearing for my life, with the nuclear option at this person’s fingertips to hopefully tuning out his apparent incapacity and incoherence. Yet my efforts to ‘deal’ with this phenomenon seemed always to retain some level of fear. It’s as if a catch in the throat, a tightening, as I spoke about the President would reveal some power I had not come to terms with. I live in the UK – whats this got to do with me?
If this is a fascist dictator in the making, one symbolic of a move towards populism in my own and many countries, what is my response? Are we living in the 1930’s Germany I ask myself – what can I really do that has a life-affirming effect? It’s no small matter.
From many sources in my life, it’s become clear to me it is important what I do with my thinking. Placing my attention on a thing: a person, a movement, makes it grow – the creative part of us does not seem to mind whether the focus is good or bad, it just grows.
I have been asking myself: ‘what if I just pull back all my projections onto this man, place and system?’ I have tried this: ‘pulling back’ has felt like just that. Removing energy has been successful, but it leaves me once more putting him in the naughty corner – as if ‘forgiving him for being a bad person’, I have retained a judgment that so comforts me, yet keeps me powerless.
My ethical question therefore is: how do I relate to this phenomenon of an American President who apparently cares so little? what do I do with my attention that is loving, not fearful, draws into connection rather than pushing away in denial: what is actually responsible as a human being? This was not formed in words but in an enquiry that my own soul was asking. To support my sanity, I practice a form of prayer coming out of the metaphysical text, A Course in Miracles. Each day has a prayer that intends to support the release of fear and the embrace of love. It sounds simple and it is. And it isn’t, for this personality. For years I have read these pages knowing its a good idea to connect spiritually like this, and resisted their import. Slowly, though, something happens in me where I am more open to it working in me.
My prayers, said many times a day lately have been: ‘God is but Love, and therefore so am I’ with daily variables such as; ‘by Grace I live, by Grace I am released’, ‘There is no death, the child of God is free’. These seem simple phrases, yet, reading a single page of this text, without my finding the phone (and the paper) seriously interesting, or a resentment about someone or something surfacing has not yet happened. Affirming the love creates conditions for what is not like love to be released.
Saying these words a lot during the day’s prior seem to have laid the ground for the dream. To say ‘God is but love’ is to affirm that, in truth, there is nothing to fear – such a radical proposition. Radical, yet one that seems to meet the challenge of the time and enable a response. It places my attention somewhere creative and in this case made space for a discovery of what lay beneath my to-ing and fro-ing; handwringing and angry by turns. Had I forgiven him? Knowing this new truth about the man disengaged all of the fear I was feeling and I felt able to receive the bigger gift he is offering. Donald Trump is a soul bringing something ultimately of great value to the rest of us. He, of course, may have had a life where his gifts were deeply distorted and not received – not seen for who he is. As the dream settled into the day and was spoken a couple of times, what became clear was that my projections onto him had receded. If I make him bad around the climate issue, for example, whilst continuing to contemplate long haul journeys across the globe myself, I am asking him to shoulder some burden of responsibility that I am not willing to take. He is bad and I’m not. Thats what is laughable in much of the Presidents communication and I think the deeper gift evident in much of what he’s saying: ‘take back your projections!’ Actually a very helpful guide for this time.
So, seeing this beautiful soul on a very particular journey enables me to receive the challenge of that person’s life. If I am connected with him at this level, he and I are not separate, he becomes a teacher, a helpful force. There is an important differentiation between the soul and the behaviour, of course. On the day of the anti Trump visit demo in London in 2018, the expression in the range of placards was liberating, yet, still the problem of the fear remained. Finding a way to receive who the person is, in love, and opposing their behaviour where necessary is a clearer and more likely effective way forward.